urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wildwhitney and hope we can grow a few flowers. Whitney Smith 2009-09-07T20:32:56Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wildwhitney:154068 2009-09-07T20:32:56Z 2009-09-07T20:32:56Z so sean and i have been living together in grand rapids now for about a month things are good i got a job out here i like it so far the people are sweet too which is a huge plus. for some reason right now i am very frustrated i am not sure why or how it happened but i know that i am just not in a good mood i was gunna go home today because my family was up for the holiday but i stayed home because sean insisted on having people over... well now he is out golfing hes been gone for idk just about 7 hours or so and i am getting close to the point of ripping his head off haha story of my life im going to go out an enjoy the rest of my day off yay urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wildwhitney:153639 2009-06-19T18:09:44Z 2009-06-19T18:09:44Z well i just got off work for about 5 minutes till i have to go to my other job i have been up since 4 and i am sooo ready for bed<br />i could kill my brother for giving me his shitty shifts <br />so i have moved since i last have written in here<br />its cool i live with a girl i work with keisha.. shes awesome we get along great and the house is like right on the water so thats a plus<br />i am so tired i have nothing else to write about or say really.. sean will be home tomorrow i believe :)<br /><br />break it down and roll it up urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wildwhitney:153493 2009-04-29T02:34:34Z 2009-04-29T02:34:34Z why is it that the people you want in your life the most fuck you over the most hurt you the most and make you hate them the most. i am so tired of being a doormat one minute and the world to you the next. you constantly fucking fail me you are wasting my life my time and my love. i have never felt so stupid and used in my entire life. i swear to god if i could just get off this subject for a minute for a second maybe my head would clear, maybe see things straight i have such a blockage from you and your bullshit all of it every little bit of it and i dont know how to get away from you or even if deep down inside i really want to. its true what they say you can never change people and you should never go into a relationship trying change that person. they may change for the better for a while but they will always go back to how shitty they were before. i have never put so much of my everything into this into anything. maybe if i put this mch energy and heart into going to school or something worth my time i would be somewhere and not bitching about it.i just want that feeling with someone else anyone else it is just so hard to come by and idk if im willing to let it go to find something that may be there or may not be. i guess everyone has their breaking point or whatever they call it and i have just had mine and i swear to you i coul break everything in my sight. one day you will understand why this was such a problem and why you were the one always fucking up.haha hehe ho urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wildwhitney:153259 2009-04-03T05:06:38Z 2009-04-03T05:06:38Z ive gone hours without thinking of all of this.<br />and now here i am once again writing in this fucking thing<br />why is everything like cat and mouse<br />why cant you just want something, get it and that be that<br />no complications no hassle<br />i want to quit the fuck out of applebees and pronto<br />i met a nice guy today at wrk<br />thats a first. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wildwhitney:153021 2009-03-21T03:03:53Z 2009-03-21T03:03:53Z through out my very boring life i tend to have sparks of excitement <br />i might be moving out of this shit of a town and soon and fuck which is awesome i just need a new surrounding and new job and new start ive been here my whole life doin the same shit begin the same person dating the same guys and i feel like its time i am never going to know what i am capable of or what i can achieve in this town because there is nothing here for me and there probably never will be i applied to a modeling agency yesterday and they have been calling me non stop since.. this may be my shot my chance and it was given to me before but i wasnt ready and i was stupid but now i am going to make a serious effort to do something that i potentially might love or at least be good at, cause i am not book smart and i hate school and fuck if you are lucky enough to be a model then you might as well fucking do it because its not a lot of work.. at least i dont think so i could be wrong. i also might get a job in some mental hospital and that would be da bomb cause i would get paid good and i could talk to crazy people all day like myself at some moments haha if i let every shot at something good for me pass me by i may just run out of them so im thinkin fuck it i better get started and we will certainly see if it works out and even if it doesnt at least i tried right.<br /><br />i need this to work urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wildwhitney:152817 2009-02-17T17:38:13Z 2009-02-17T17:38:13Z i hate class and boys and girls<br />and work<br />and just about everything <br />i cant wait to go on spring break and i cant wait to be done with school <br />its sucks<br />all of it<br /><br /><br />one day i will understand what im really supposed to be doing. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wildwhitney:152544 2009-02-05T20:05:47Z 2009-02-05T20:05:47Z well things suck right now but i know they will get better i have faith in that<br />im doin ok in school<br />im a single lady now so boys holla haha jk im not lookin for a new boy for a long time probably cause im still in love with the old one<br />its just not the right time right now so either one day it will be or it wont be but either way i look forward to whats coming in my life.<br />and if you cant beat em join em <br /><br />ahhhhhh i feel crazy sometimes urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wildwhitney:152071 2009-02-01T21:19:40Z 2009-02-01T21:19:40Z i am so tired of fucking everything.<br />work<br />class<br />people<br />stupid people<br />normal people <br />so this week so far<br />ive broken my glasses<br />lost my braclet sean got me<br />found out my tax return is sooooo fucked up<br />probably did horrible on my algebra test<br />i just need a break from my life for 5 minutes <br />im fucking stressed<br />i miss seeing my fucking boyfriend<br />we never get to see each other anymore.<br />god damn it im all over it <br />all of it urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wildwhitney:152034 2009-01-11T06:25:09Z 2009-01-11T06:25:09Z nothing well its been a while since ive written anything in here but i guess my life is the same as its been with work and boys or i guess i should say one boy and friends<br />things have a been rocky <br />then great then back to rocky... who knows<br />i start classes on monday.. yikes<br />i am aready a waiting when i will be finished with school <br />im sure it will fly by but as of right now its seems like its gunna be forever until i know where it is i really wanna be or what it is i really wanna do <br />but i guess with some people you just really never know where you wanna be or what you wanna do.<br />i have also never been so sure and unsure about the same thing before in my life.<br />i swear i wanna be done with this so often.. at least latley<br />and then something so small just makes me start thinking again.<br />and for the most part just makes me change my mind <br />its just so hard to keep up with something that doesn't keep up with you<br />but i guess life just works in strange ways<br />i hope i can be more sure about things very soon. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />love will get you everytime. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wildwhitney:151585 2008-11-19T02:52:10Z 2008-11-19T02:52:10Z so sean has been gone for almost a week its been real weird not being able to see him everyday <br />i miss him but this little break is gunna be good for us <br />sometimes its good to miss somebody <br />in order to understand where you stand with them<br />or to understand if you wanna sand with them at all<br />my birthday is on friday ill be 19<br />thanksgiving is coming up next week<br />and christmas will be following it soon<br />man the years just pass by real fast <br />who knows urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wildwhitney:151489 2008-10-30T02:46:53Z 2008-10-30T02:46:53Z i was just looking over old pictures on photobucket<br />mostly of me and lynn just being pictures whores haha<br />good times<br />its so weird to think about how i was then and how i am now<br />actually its not that strange its just sometimes hard to accept.<br />i love the way things are going now<br />i have everything and everyone that i ever wanted in my life as far as right now in my life.<br />things are very up and down with me one day everythings great<br />then the next i wanna crash into a tree<br />now more than ever have i realized many things that are going to be very useful<br />its so different worrying about other people more than yourself i know it sounds selfish but really before you are involved with someone all you really have in the world is you maybe some friends but thats it.<br />its kinda like when your parents say god i cant wait till you have children of your own and you will understand <br />well i dont have children but i have that feeling, that constant feeling that something might be wrong or whatever it is <br />i honestly dont know how people do it<br />go through boyfriends and girlfriends like love doesn't matter<br />because in reality<br />its all you have in the end<br />when its all said and done<br />none of the bickering and fighting and breaking up and getting back together it is all just crap<br />we all live for that feeling in your stomach in your heart not the bad one but the one where you know its right and you know no matter what you need this person in your life <br />and you really dont wanna find out what its like to not love again.<br />or you fear its not gunna be the same or its not gunna be real<br />somedays i feel like i am full of great advise.<br />and then when its my turn to deal with the crap im blank.<br />or the advise i give out i would never wanna put myself through.<br />i believe in the statement that you really only have 1 true love in this world and maybe you only get one chance <br />you never know when your chance comes or when it is up but if mine hasn't happened yet then i am clueless and im not sure if i can do this all again.<br /><br />i just blabbered in here for a while <br /><br /><br />dont ever settle for second best.<br />thats all i know. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wildwhitney:151270 2008-10-28T21:49:52Z 2008-10-28T21:49:52Z everything is going to change very soon<br />whether i am ready for it or not i guess<br />i really dont think i will ever be totally ready for whats gunna happen<br />but its all for the good<br />i wish i could get another job that paid soooo much better <br />idk<br />fuck it all<br />life is all about making money and spending it on things you dont wanna pay for.<br />maybe we should all just become theives <br />who knows.<br /><br /><br />in your eyes id like to stay. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wildwhitney:151026 2008-10-11T20:30:47Z 2008-10-11T20:30:47Z one of the hardest things ive learned in life is forcing yourself to not act on your emotions<br />most everyone feels like what the feel is what is right<br />but sometimes you just need to learn to shut your mouth and take<br />which is other very hard thing when you fel the need to always say something <br />i have learned and grew so much just in the realtionship i am currently having <br />i have never faught so much <br />but loved so much<br />and felt like i couldn't do without.<br />nothing else that mattered before really matters anymore<br />getting fucked up and what not is just nonsence<br />if you dont have someone to fill the emptiness in your life then you are empty<br />throughout your whole like people are always saying be independent <br />do things for yourself<br />whatever..... its just cause they either can't find someone to love them back how they wanted to be loved or they've lost what they had .<br />we all have our moments in life when we feel lonely<br />but sometimes you just have to take the blame and take it as it is.<br />love.<br />its all love.<br />and we all want it<br />we all can't live without it and <br />at our worst we curse it.<br /><br />ive got it urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wildwhitney:150638 2008-10-11T06:03:44Z 2008-10-11T06:03:44Z i have finally figured out what is wrong with 95 percent of today society <br />selfishness<br />i am constantly complaining about what i don't have and i really need to think about what i do have <br />i have just come to the conclusion that i never know what to do<br />or really what im doing <br />there is a time and place for the actions that we take<br />learning that <br />is key<br />i love<br />therefor i need<br />not want<br />so other than that is all just whatever<br />i think i have more to say but i really probably dont so i will just head to bed this day was real good then real bad urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wildwhitney:150389 2008-09-04T15:32:11Z 2008-09-04T15:32:11Z things have been kinda rough latley <br />today i have to go to the doctors kinda find out some important info<br />me and sean are on a softball team for the fall its gunna be fun <br />ive been pretty busy latley with work <br />sean is about to be going to school since he got the money im very happy for him this is gunna be real good <br />i cant wait to go back to school i feel lousy without it <br />i just have to figure out what it is that i should be going to school for.<br />oh isn't that always the question.<br /><br />i am very stressed right now i just need to figure some shit out. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wildwhitney:150096 2008-08-15T01:04:34Z 2008-08-15T01:04:34Z some days more than others you realize how alone you are in this large mess of a world.<br />we all have our own personal goals and what we want to do with the rest of our lives but for most people they just have some excuse to slow them down.<br />or to keep them from ever getting what they want and deserve.<br />ive picked up and begun my life so many different times i dont know where to start anymore.<br />i dont think there is a greater feeling in this world than falling in love<br />being in love <br />expressing your love for someone else <br />but sometimes love can block you and keep you from focusing on anything.<br />but myabe life is only meant for one of the two<br />money or love.<br />maybe thats why people always ask what youd marry for love or money?<br />i think i might understand why you cant have both now.<br />money can be so blinding though make you think that you got it all and you really dont.<br />which brings me to my conclusion of this crap<br />love always wins<br />always choose love and you cant lose. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wildwhitney:149920 2008-08-03T23:51:54Z 2008-08-03T23:51:54Z take things personal<br />and it really doesn't get you that far<br />for some reason i do that far to much.<br />and it always just gets me feeling low.<br />who knows half the time it could just be a personal blow but i guess if its not super obvious then who knows.<br />writing is all i know how to do when im stressed or mad or anything really<br />i dont know what i am going to do with the rest of my life.<br />but who does.<br />i always wonder how good im doing<br />in everything<br />or if im just kidding myself <br />and i should be going in another direction<br />i believe i am a very lazy person <br />not in every way but right now i could potentially be starting my career and im doing nothing about it <br />but i feel like if it is supposed to happen it just will or something will kick me in the ass to do something to make it happen<br />idk<br />maybe i'll never be satisfied <br />i think ill just go with the flow i seem to be real good at that.<br />i have a runny nose and its august<br />if it should happen everything will fall into place<br />and sometimes when its not right everything will scatter. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wildwhitney:149580 2008-07-26T05:36:51Z 2008-07-26T05:36:51Z for once in my life i think things are going pretty good<br />i dont have a million things to worry about and its pretty laid back right now<br />i just went to go see that movie step brother it really wasn't as good as i thought it was gunna be.. very funny parts but it got old fast<br />now that new batman movie was awesome i really liked and so did sean<br />i dont know if i mentioned that i have a tattoo on my neck now<br />its a crown and its cute<br />i was asked to be apart of the modeling agency and im gunna do it<br />hell why not.<br />i have to call the the fuckin lady back its been like 2 weeks and shes probably pissed but whatever<br />i dont have much to say tonight so im goin to bed. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wildwhitney:149323 2008-07-22T17:52:56Z 2008-07-22T17:52:56Z i think ive figured it all out.<br />here i am. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wildwhitney:149060 2008-07-02T01:18:28Z 2008-07-02T01:18:28Z geekd up remix so i quit the golf club i dont remember if i had said that before<br />but im done<br />i just work at applecrap now <br />and hardly ever which is kinda sweet<br />i spend all my time with the love of my life.<br />im hardly ever home<br />me and sean just went to two weddings and i just had my open house<br />my life is a lil bit busy but its slowing down a bit now<br />i want to get outa this town <br />this state but i just dont know what will be best for me in the long run<br />idk we'll see when the time arrives.<br /><br /><br />im hot right now<br /><br />i can't be stopped right now. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wildwhitney:148969 2008-06-21T13:22:26Z 2008-06-21T13:22:26Z everything is going really good.<br />i quit the golf club<br />and babysittting <br />so now i have free time again <br />everything is good with sean<br />real good<br />yesterday was real bad and real good<br />im excited for summer<br />yesterday i chopped all my hair off and there is a lot of blonde in it <br />its kinda cool i guess i never put blonde in my hair<br />but i have to go now<br />peace urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wildwhitney:148642 2008-06-02T02:13:47Z 2008-06-02T02:13:47Z so im done with school<br />ik hang out with sean everyday<br />if i dont its just weird<br />nothing else really matters right now<br />its crazy these feelings that i have<br />and have had<br />its so different this time around<br />its so mutual this time around <br />its everything i would have wanted this time around<br />i honestly dont know what would screw this up at this point<br /><br />but i dont really care either urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wildwhitney:148436 2008-05-23T17:14:14Z 2008-05-23T17:14:14Z back in my life.<br /><br />done with school today niggggggga feels soooo good<br /><br />im out <br /><br />im bout to get way to wild tonight urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wildwhitney:147986 2008-05-14T18:17:12Z 2008-05-14T18:17:12Z was really good<br />hung out with an old friend<br />we road a fucking motor cycle to lexington <br />it was really sweet<br />then we realized whippys was closed grrr<br />so we went to bunnies good shit<br />i missed everything that we used to do<br />i missed it all<br />and now it scares me that its back.<br />or that it could be if i let it<br />we also saw speed racer high as fuck and it was soooo bad we were the only ones in the theatre<br />fun shit<br />ughhhh yhis summer is gunna be awesome<br />but real hard for me at the same time<br />i dont know how i can keep doin this to myself. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wildwhitney:147926 2008-05-12T01:58:17Z 2008-05-12T01:58:17Z it seems like every entry is talking bout the same shit <br />you know the same shit i do daily<br />but whatev i just like writin in here it makes me feel better<br />last night opened my eyes to a lot of things<br />me and katie k had this crazy extreme talk on the beach <br />we were kinda drunk which made the convo even better haha<br />love that girl<br />3 is the number <br />a number that mustttt be narrowed down dude<br />soon<br />i feel like sometimes i just need signs like in the movie to tell me what i should do or what is best for me<br />but i guess life isnt a movie right<br />it really seems as if my life is narrowing down to one way roads and whatever road i take i just can't turn the other way and go back to where i was<br />so what to do <br />what do you choose<br />one way... perfection with nothing to dwell on but the fact that everything will work out <br />another way....which seems to be the road ive always gone down that just wont seem to work out<br />and the last road.... something that seems so unreachable and is now right in front of me <br />i need a sign<br /><br /><br /><br />i need direction.